One Whole Year

One week ago was my one-year anniversary with Weight Watchers. One week and one day ago was the one-year anniversary of me deciding to change my life and sign-up for Weight Watchers.

This time, one year ago, I hated myself. Hated what I had allowed myself to become; hated any mirror I came across naked; hated every single thing I ate because I didn’t eat it out of enjoyment – I ate it out of comfort. I drank too much and ate quantities of food befitting of two full size men. I’d be full, yet would still eat more. I’d be bored, so I’d eat. I’d be depressed, so I’d eat. I’d be sad, mad, happy, excited – and I’d eat.

My waking up moment? When I saw a picture of myself that my mom took when we were walking the Las Vegas Strip. (You can refer to my first post here, to see that picture.)  I could not believe I was looking at me. This is me? This is what I’ve become? When did I get so large? (I’m 5’6″ for reference.) How have I not seen that double-chin before?

I also had received the startling news at my yearly check-up that I weighed 215 lbs. My mind immediately started looking for the justification for my weight gain – well, they just weighed me and I AM wearing heavy clothes… I did just eat a big breakfast… I have had a lot of water this morning…. my shoes alone weigh 2 pounds… and my BOOBS! My boobs weigh a lot…each!….right? The sad fact was that I HAD gained so much weight, and that I had adopted the “ignorance is bliss” mentality.

But, moving forward, here are some statistics:

2016:

  • 215 lbs
  • Size 16-18 pants; 1X-2X bottoms; 39-40″ waist
  • 38DDD bra size
  • Size 1X-2X tops

2017:

  • 135-139 lbs.
  • Size 6 pants (close to a 4!), S/M leggings, S/M skirts; 28-29″ waist
  • 32DD bra size
  • S/M tops

My husband and  I also went to the doctor at the first of this year and got the works – full check-up, blood work, etc. When we attended our follow-up visit, and the doctor asked who wanted to go over their blood work results first, my husband pointed at me. The doctor responded with “Oh good, she’s easy!” and proceeded to tell me that my blood work was perfect. Uh, did you just say perfect? Because I’m pretty sure I heard you say PERFECT?! Yes, the doctor confirmed, you are a perfectly healthy 28-year-old woman.  I about fell out of my chair, I was so excited. THIS is what I was working towards. THIS was my reason. Because, yet another motivating factor for me to lose weight was my mother telling me last year that she was just diagnosed with Type II diabetes. She also has high blood pressure. And my father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s about three years ago and consequently, had a seizure right before his diagnosis. My grandparents and great-grandparents had everything: heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, you name it. My main focus was (and is) to work towards NOT being diagnosed with any of those, any cancers, tumors, etc. And if that required me to change my way of living and eating, then so be it.

So, one year later, how am I feeling? Well, our rockabilly event is less than two months away and I’m looking at high-waisted bikinis. I also own more pencil skirts than I ever have in my life. My confidence has sky-rocketed and I no longer feel like the odd man out in a group of skinny women. I don’t feel like I’m being judged. I don’t feel like people are looking at me in disgust. I’m okay with looking at myself in the mirror for a prolonged period of time to do my makeup and adjust my clothes, and I LOVE the fact that I can buy smaller clothes. Most importantly, I’M HAPPY. And I’m IN CONTROL. For the first time in my life, I’m not telling myself I’ll just start my weight loss tomorrow… I’ll start my diet tomorrow… because, for the first time in my life, I actually reached the end of one road on my weight loss journey (losing the weight) and am now traveling down the next road of my journey, which is to tighten, tone and get even healthier.

If you’re struggling to find your motivation, reach out to me! The best thing for losing weight is a support system – without mine, I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I did and wouldn’t be where I am today. ❤

You Want Responsibility, Yet Lack It

In my previous position, which was a whole whopping week ago, the beloved supervisor who originally hired me (that the entire office adored), promoted herself into a better paying position and out from under the nose of a power-hungry, ego-tripping section manager a few months back. My office went from a very involved, happy, genuinely interested in US (her employees or “her girls”), flits-around-the-office-type-that-everyone-loved supervisor to…an ego-tripping, entitled, couldn’t be bothered, two-faced fake supervisor.

See our problem here?

We went from a woman who cared more for the well-being of her office, her customers, and her staff rather than her own well-being, and on days she was suffering from one of her severe migraines or allergy attacks, would have to literally be forced home so she wouldn’t make herself suffer through the entire day. In her time there, the office was fun, light, airy, breezy… flitty. Everyone loved visiting our office not only because she was there, but because she was there, her employees emanated the same happy behavior she did…because we WERE happy. (Not to mention, she was killer when it came to holiday decorations.) And when she announced she had promoted, we were devastated. Flat-out, life won’t go on devastated. I had finally found a manager I loved working under, I loved half of the staff I worked with and saw on a daily basis (the other half is a WHOLE other blog… probably a blog series…), and I really truly loved my job and job tasks. I loved my desk, my window, my cubicle, my office, everything.

But then the world dealt me a huge ‘ole slap of reality to remind me to not get comfortable.

Fast forward 2-3 months after our beloved supervisor promoted and we’re being introduced to a woman wearing tights pants, knee high 3-4″ heeled boots, and something that looked strangely like a dead animal as a vest. First impression – not good. We went through the falderol of pleasantries and feigned happiness to meet her during introductions before she was swept away into our section head’s office (located in the suite next to ours, not IN the suite we worked in) for “training”. A couple of days passed where we honestly can’t recall ever saying much to her or seeing her really. She made absolutely no effort to get to know the three of us (though I can’t blame her for not wanting to get to know the “tenured” employee in our office…) and didn’t seem at all concerned with what our particular office did for the company – never mind that she was now the supervisor FOR that section and technically, should be able to run the office by herself should she ever find herself in that position.

Fast forward four more weeks and we find ourselves in quite a predicament – I’m working my last week in that particular office in that particular position because I’ve accepted a promotion in a different section within the company and am moving upstairs; and, consequently, no one knows the in-and-outs of my job but me. Which leaves me quite befuddled as to who’s going to do my job while they’re in the process of hiring my replacement?

Nonetheless, I decided to take a “sick” day on Christmas Eve Eve and upon returning to work the following Tuesday, was told, via text, that my morning task was being taken on by another individual so that the new “boss” could “sit with me and better learn what you do before you move upstairs”. And as annoying as it was to receive that text at 6:00 in the morning, I obliged, didn’t complain (to her) and went about my day. And wouldn’t you know it? Four days passed – now bringing us to Friday, or New Year’s Eve Eve – and not once did the new “boss” sit with me or even seem remotely interested in doing so.

Before leaving on New Year’s Eve Eve (four days after I received the text that I would not be completing my usual morning task), I ensured my cubicle was free and clear of any sign that I ever occupied it, had ensured that all of my work was currently caught up as far as it could be, and even left a note for the new person fated to fill my position to let them know where I left things off.

Come Tuesday after New Year’s weekend (yesterday), I’m in my new position, on my first day, already under an insurmountable amount of stress and am feeling not only very overwhelmed but quite inept as I overthink my new job tasks. I come back from lunch to find that my old section head, aka power-hungry and ego-tripping, had actually walked upstairs to find me to ask me a question about my old position. Me, being in the middle of training of course, decided to let her visit go unnoticed, as I figured she’d try again later. And LO AND BEHOLD, she sends up Ms. Dead Animal Vest, to ask me the same question to see if she could elicit a response. Short of telling Ms. DAV (Dead Animal Vest) she had four weeks to learn what I used to do (and had I promoted out of the building or division, she wouldn’t be able to ask me these questions), I answered her question as civilly as I could and went about feeling sorry for myself in my new position for the remainder of the day.

Which brings us to present day: I’ve been asked to come down this afternoon to “explain” to the bosses what the new “boss” should do with some paperwork I left in her inbox before my departure. Which, coincidentally, had she actually sat down with me the last three weeks I was on the job, she’d know how to do in my absence. And with this request, I find myself chuckling and completely incredulous at the lack of organization presently festering in my old office.

How do you consciously accept a position as a section supervisor and then show absolutely no interest or concern for said section? For five weeks, nonetheless. You WANT the responsibility and the title and the pay, yet you lack the responsibility to responsibly run the office you were hired for. She knows no more about that office, OR the function it serves in the grand scheme of things, anymore now than she did five weeks ago. And she knows just as little about the women in the office who kept it afloat since May and who continued to hold the fort down for the two months there was no active supervisor.

Is it all a very thought out, well-planned strategy to convert that section into a complete dictatorship, with power-hungry and ego-tripping as dictator? Perhaps. But if she was looking to hire someone to be her minion, she failed to hire one with the responsibility necessary for such a task.

And with that being said, we can only hope she’s begun the process of digging her own grave.

 

Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017 – Part 1

What a year 2016 was for all of us! I wanted to memorialize my accomplishments and happenings in 2016 and I figured this would be the best way to do it. I originally started off publishing Notes on my Facebook but fell off the bandwagon after January. But I’m going to try my best to remember each month and what happened and I’m going to continue to try and keep up the trend throughout 2017.

January 2016: Rang in the New Year with free Maroon 5 tickets I won off the radio! Took my mother-in-law and while we were sitting in the farthest row back, the tickets were FREE and we were there! I’ve wanted to see Maroon 5 since my dad first introduced them to me when I was in 6th or 7th grade. I also got my second tattoo (the Tree of Gondor) with my mother-in-law (who got a music note with a cowboy hat) and friend (who got Toby Keith’s initials).

February 2016: This was my biggest month of the year – this was the month I decided that enough was enough with my weight and took action. No bullshit, no half-assery. This was the photo that finalized it for me, taken at Harrah’s Las Vegas around Chinese New Year. I knew I had put on a lot of weight (originally due to hating my job in property management), but I continued to put on weight even after getting a new job – even though it was a job I loved. I had hit the “fuck it” stage and was suffering from the depression caused by my last job. I was drinking heavily every night, gorging myself on food daily… It was one of the darkest times of my life. And when I saw this picture I had my mom take of me when we were out and about on the Strip, I cried.

weight-loss-before

Me at my heaviest weight I had ever been in my life. 27 years old, 215 lbs.

A week later, I signed up for Weight Watchers. I also sought help through a weight loss program offered through my work, which kept me motivated to stay on track and not veer off the path as I had done SO MANY TIMES with previous weight loss attempts. (I’ve always struggled with my weight, but that’s for another blog.) Long story short, this event in my life has a happy ending, but I’ll get to that. (Lost -7.2 lbs in my first month!)

March 2016: My birthday month! My dad, stepmom and family, who live in California, came out to spend my birthday week with me and we did A LOT. We hiked in Red Rock Canyon, went to the Valley of Fire (my first time visiting since I moved here six years ago!), ate at The Wicked Spoon at the Cosmopolitan hotel (which was extremely difficult since I was so new on my weight loss program), saw Zootopia in theaters, walked the Strip and more! This week proved to me that I was stronger than I thought I was and further motivated me to continue on my weight loss journey. My Fitbit became my best friend too. (Total weight loss at the end of March: -25.8 lbs!)

April 2016: End of March, early April is one of my favorite times of the year because with it comes VIVA LAS VEGAS, the rockabilly weekender here in Vegas! This was my and my husband’s third year attending the Saturday car show and while it was a little rougher than the two years prior, it was still one of our biggest years yet – I met Dita Von Teese!

dita

Me meeting Dita Von Teese! I just remember I kept thinking as my husband took our picture, “Please let it be a good picture, please let it be a good picture… No double chins, no funny faces…”

This was also the first Viva we attended where I wore a full-on wiggle dress and was mostly comfortable in it. I wore a black swing dress the first time we went in 2014, a beautiful green lame wrap/sarong/wiggle dress in 2015 (disguised the belly beautifully), and then this bad boy in the picture, which is a full wiggle, in 2016. I even wore my custom Imelda May necklace! (One of my favorite rockabilly singers.)

red-dress

The red dress! Which is, sadly, too big now.

The other big accomplishment for me in April was attending and COMPLETING the Inflatable 5K run with a friend from work. It truly amazed me that I had not only the strength to climb up and through some of the obstacles on the course, but that I had the will and stamina to complete ALL obstacles. The pictures below show a particular obstacle I had gotten myself worked up over before we even got to the damn race! I kept telling myself, there’s no WAY I can complete this race – I don’t have the strength or power to climb these obstacles! Who am I kidding?! Turns out, the only person I was kidding was myself because I did it!

(Total weight loss at the end of April: -35.2 lbs!)

For the sake of length, I’m going to break up 2016 into multiple blogs.

See you at Part 2! 🙂